The Art of Restoration

"The body is a community made up of its innumerable cells or inhabitants." - Thomas A. Edison

In spite of the significant gap between my last entry and this one, I’ve decided to pick up where I left off in my commentary on the Twelve Steps. Interestingly, I’d come to Step Two: “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” I say “interestingly” because I am currently a resident at a Christian ministry for men who are coming out of addiction and/or imprisonment.

Being in this ministry has certainly been difficult for me because it’s “all Jesus all the time,” and I do not profess to be a Christian. However, I deeply believe in learning from every situation, and I am working on being content where I am. Altogether, this place has had a profound influence on my spiritual growth. I am more able to recognize my place in the scope of the universe and to accept that, although I am tiny, I am not insignificant.

Now, I have a major problem with the idea of a conscious being orchestrating all life in the universe. I’ve done some incredible mental acrobatics over the years in order to figure out where I fit spiritually. For the sake of time, I will say that I believe that we are all members of the universal body, and, although we have free will within it and have the ability to influence it, ultimately, it is in control. For the sake of simplicity, I will call this universal body “God”.

A few years ago, I developed a meditation that I do before bed each night and when I awake in the morning. I start by attempting to imagine the infinity of the universe. Note that I say “attempt”. Have you ever tried to imagine infinity? It’s impossible. But therein lies the beauty of this exercise.

Okay, I start with the universe, and, then, I move inward. I imagine the Milky Way, then our solar system, then our hemisphere, and so forth until I get down to myself. (Sometimes, when I’ve had a particularly trying day, I’ll try to get down to the cellular or even the atomic level. Yet another awesome endeavor.) I concentrate on myself for a while and then move back out. As I progress outward, I imagine energy emanating from my body and connecting with everything and everyone around me. I pay particular attention to my loved ones and very special attention to anyone I’ve had conflict with. I try to feel that connection with everything and everyone, all the way back out into the vast universe.

Feeling that connection is the entire foundation of my spiritual outlook. For example, the reason I emphasize being connected with people I’ve hurt or who’ve hurt me is to remind me that, despite our conflict, we are one. Because we are one, I absolutely must forgive those who have hurt me, and I must do my best to avoid injuring others. "Love thy neighbor as thyself" is, indeed, a universal precept.

I have to know that I’m connected, and I have to feel that connection at all times. Before I go to bed, this exercise clears and quiets my mind so that I can have a restful sleep. In the morning, it reminds me that I’m plugged in so that I go forward in my day with the right heart and mind.

Essentially, this is how I acknowledge the higher power that is restoring me to sanity. Whenever I feel myself starting to spin out of control, I remember that I am connected and that my power comes from within and without. I didn’t create this power; God endowed me with it, and staying connected keeps me fed.