Monday, February 6, 2012

And the Television Audience Said, "Amen"

Dear TV gods,

I know that I pray to you a lot. Sometimes you come through; sometimes you don't. We've had our ups and downs. I've denounced you on many an occasion and praised you on many others. But I'm coming to you again. And I know you're still busy working on bringing back Community (you are working on bringing back Community, right?), but I have one more favor to ask for now. Please, please, for the love of all that is pixelated and holy, make Smash a success.

Okay, I know there are the obvious "you're so gay" reasons for my wanting this show to succeed. It's about the conception and development of a play. A musical. A musical about Marilyn Monroe. And it stars Debra Messing, a.k.a. Grace! My 2(x)ist jock is positively wet with all the gay in this paragraph alone.

But it's not just that this is a homosexual's television dream come true. No, no. I want it to succeed for another reason: I need to be able to keep my sanity. I want it to do well so that I don't have to slog through weeks of every entertainment news outlet talking about how something so hyped failed so miserably. Between Entertainment Weekly, The Hollywood Reporter, Variety, the New York Times and other sources I'm sure I'm forgetting, I just couldn't take all the analysis of a bomb that would definitely go on for at least a month were "Smash" to underperform.

Never mind all the comparisons to Glee. For crap's sake, it's already started, even before the premiere made its way around the internet and On Demand. Already, it's the television equivalent of a parent's pitting his or her children against each other. The last thing I need to read is "Why couldn't you be more like your brother, Glee? He knows how to bring in a wide audience! And after all the publicity we've invested in you." (Publicity, I might add, that may have already doomed tonight's official premiere since, I'd suspect, most of those interested in watching it have already seen it.)

Well, why couldn't I just ignore any dissection of poor results? C'mon, TV gods, you should know me better by now. I am a masochist and will read every single article and opinion I can get my grubby little paws on.

So, please. I beg of you. Make Smash a smash. (Yeah, I just said that!) For my delicate constitution. You sort of owe me now that Chuck is off the air and Rosie is annoying me again.