My Will and My Life

Step Three: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God 

In my last post, I introduced my concept of God as the Universal Body. I hope that it stuck with you because I’m going to refer to "God" and the "Body" a lot moving forward.

At any rate, when I look at God and my relationship to God, I can finally move past the intellectual quandary of trying to parse out how an unconscious being can have a will. Every being, conscious or not, has a will to live. Since I am part of a larger being, my welfare contributes to the welfare of that being, just as the welfare of the cells of my body contribute to my overall welfare.

I believe that God’s will is for us to delight in and to honor ourselves and each other.

When I talk about turning over my will and my life, I am saying that I recognize that my will and my life are not entirely my own. Every decision and action has an effect on the Body. This is not a new revelation for me, and it’s certainly not an original insight, but it is one I must remind myself of daily because it’s a difficult revelation to actually act out of.

So, with everything I do, I have to say to myself, “Peter, is this solely for you? Is this going to benefit the Body? What are your motives here?” Often, I forget and just react. But, as I grow spiritually, I am increasingly able to stop myself and evaluate what I’m doing and why.

Over the past several months, I’ve battled with myself, worrying that I was being selfish in some of my decisions. The most recent decision to leave the program I was in is a prime example. I do believe that sometimes we act selfishly and to the detriment of others. However, there are some actions that seem selfish, but are really about self-preservation. And it is imperative that we take care of ourselves first because self-survival ultimately contributes to the health of the Body.

I composed the following prayer for myself. It reminds me that, although I am driven by the greater will of God, it’s not because I’m an insignificant pawn. Quite the opposite. It’s because I am valuable.
 

I am new. I am growing.

I am special. I have value.

I am ready to take on life.

I am not a passive victim; I’m an active participant.

I create life. I affect other people.

I have an impact on the universe.

Turning over my will and my life isn’t about deleting myself and my perspective. No, it’s about embracing my role in the universe and wholeheartedly doing my part, no matter how seemingly small, to keep it all spinning.