Alphabet Soup for Your eSoul

A friend recently posted a question about "confessional" writers and why they do it. Well, here's the extended version of my response to that.

I am honest about a lot of personal things. For example, I think that, as a culture, we are far too self-conscious about sex. We hypocritically use sex to sell everything from cookies to washing machines, yet we have great difficulty talking about real, actual sex issues. Because of that, I'm very open when questions come up about my own sex life.

I am an unabashed feminist. I am not afraid to talk about race issues. And don't get me started on gay and transgender rights. I also like to play Devil's advocate. I am opinionated and fairly transparent in a number of ways.

Having said all that, there are parts of my life I'd rather not share with people. I don't want people to know that I have a problem with alcohol, or that I am technically homeless at the moment, or that I suffer from depression and an often debilitating low sense of self-worth. I don't want my life exposed like some Facebook version of a basic cable reality freak show. Hell, I'm going to my high school reunion in a month. Do you really think that I want that information floating around the hotel ballroom like the Fog, enveloping these people I haven't seen or spoken to in 20 years?

So why do I share these things? Because I am going through a rough journey right now. However, I am learning some great lessons along the way. And these aren't lessons that apply solely to substance abuse or mental and emotional health issues. If you get a deeper understanding of what "people like me" go through, that's great. But that's not my goal.

My goal -- my desire -- is that you can extrapolate the lessons I've learned from my struggles and apply them to your own life. You might hate your job and wonder how you've ended up where you are in life. You may be in a bad marriage. You might be afraid that you're a terrible parent. You may even have simply had a bad day because that cashier at the supermarket was kind of a dick to you. Or, like me, you may innately believe that you're worthless.

But you can look back and integrate some of the same lessons I'm learning to integrate.

I'm not baring myself so that you can pity me or tell me how strong I am. Although I appreciate knowing that I have a strong support network of people who actually care about me, I am extremely uncomfortable with that sort of attention -- any attention, really. I'm not trying to become famous. I don't get off on people knowing intimate details of my life. And even though I may write about it, I certainly don't want to discuss it. Honestly, I agonize over what I will or will not share because most of my experiences I wouldn't even discuss in detail with some of my closest friends and family.

I'll be honest; I do experience a certain amount of catharsis (there's that word again). Blogging is a sort of extension of my journaling. But, no, I don't do it for me. I do it for you.

Do you feel a little bit better about that shitty job that's so far from what you imagined when you tossed your mortarboard into the air that warm summer day? Do you feel that maybe you can address the chinks in your marriage so that you can either save it or have the clarity to see that it needs to end? Do you have the confidence in yourself to know that it's okay to make a mistake with your kids, but that, ultimately, you're doing the right thing? Do you know that when someone's an asshole to you, it usually has nothing to do with you, really? Do you know that you have value?

That's what this is truly about: you.

All I've ever wanted to do in my life is help people, and this is one small way of doing that. And if I'm not reaching you in that way, then I'll just pack it in and go back to talking about the latest recipe I've tried out or how pissed I am that ABC cancelled my favorite program. Because if I'm not helping people, then there is no point.

And, no, I don't fancy myself to be some self-help, lifestyle guru. I'm not Dr. Phil or Deepak Chopra or whoever the fuck is en vogue these days. I'm not ladling chicken soup down the gullet of your soul. I don't profess to have all the answers, or even most of them. I'm just a guy. A guy who gives a shit about other people. A guy who has experienced hurt and is still hurting, but who is learning ways to cope with that hurt and wants to pass those coping skills on to others. I'm learning along the way and making some mistakes, but maybe by sharing my walk -- and my stumbles -- something will resonate within you about your own path.

So, there. That's why I do this. Any other questions?