They Tried to Make Me Go to Rehab: An Introduction

I’ll just lay it out there. I drink like a fish. For a long time, my ability to consume mass quantities of alcohol was a badge of honor. Then, it became just something that I did. I didn’t take pride in it, but I wasn’t ashamed, either. At some point, I became extremely defensive about it. Why should you care how I choose to spend my free time? Finally, after damaging several close relationships, losing professional credibility, and being unable to support myself, I decided to enter rehab.

”Decided” isn’t entirely accurate. It was more of a mandate from loved ones, really, following several medical scares and public intoxication violations. In fact I’ve been in and out of treatment centers and sober-living facilities for the better part of the last three years. During this time, I have had to closely examine who I am, what I’ve done, and what I think has motivated me. Mind you, I come from some exceptionally analytical people. I’ve had training as a counselor. I’ve been journaling since I was eight. Self-reflection comes easily to me, and I hunger for self-improvement.

In other words, Recovery should be a piece of cake for me. Well, remember that part about three years of living in treatment? It’s not easy.

In these pages, I aim to reflect on why that might be. I don’t know what lies ahead in my future. I’m not entirely sure that I can remain “sober” for the rest of my life. I’m not even sure that abstinence should be an ideal expectation. But that’s what this exploration is all about.

I’ve chosen to share my reflections publically, mainly because I have some pretty major qualms with traditional substance abuse treatment methods (primarily, AA/NA, or the “Program”). This is not meant to be an indictment of the Program, specifically, or Recovery, in general. Rather, I aim to examine the principles and expectations I’ve encountered. Furthermore, I don’t presume that any of my views should apply to everyone. I am not a licensed therapist, and I certainly don’t want to derail anyone from a program that works for him or her. I merely believe that the arena of substance abuse treatment may be very narrow and could possibly use some alternative perspectives. I hope that by discussing this topic in a public, non-Program forum, I can find others with similar outlooks on recovery.

If nothing else, I just want to find a way to live my life happily and successfully.

Next: Powerlessness and surrender