The Emmys

Huh. Surprisingly, I have nothing to say about the upcoming Emmys -- or, rather, the nominees. Of course, I'll be watching; I love awards shows. Always and forever. But I've decided to stop hoping for anything other than the same ol' stuff. There are never any surprise wins, all the speeches are pretty run of the mill, and even the red carpet just seems like a been-there-done-that obligation for most of the nominees.

The fact is that no one's fooling themselves anymore. The Emmys aren't about rewarding excellence or innovation in the television arts. It's about the Academy telling themselves that they are. And that just goes against everything I love about the entertainment industry.

I'm not naive. I know the old chestnut: "It's show business." But it's a creative business. Most other industries strive for and reward innovation and change. Indeed, the science half of the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences seems to be doing pretty well in this vein. Why is it that the arts side is not only content to churn out more of the same, but actually heaps praise on those who stay on the hamster wheel?

And that's just what the Emmy has become. A big nut cluster treat for the most dogged hamsters.

So I'll watch, as I always do, I'll simulpost to the extent that the shifty wireless coverage in my neighborhood allows, and I'll resign myself to yet another win by Tony Shaloub.

Zachary Morris, Esq.

Not that I left any room for doubt about my intentions, but... I watched Raising the Bar last night. And, good lord on a graham cracker it was terrible. Just abominable.

It should be called Raising the Barf since all of Mark-Paul Gosselaar's pontificating made my gorge rise. (FYI: Holier-than-thou grandstanding is only palatable coming from Jack McCoy.) Earnestly wanting to defend your clients doesn't give you carte blanche to be a douchebag to everyone. I was prompted to answer Zack's oft-promo'd question: "Yes, I am gonna hit a lawyer."

Or perhaps Raising the Soap Bar since Zack looks like he needs a bath throughout the episode -- even after he's just bathed. (Incidentally, I can't remember the character's actual name, which doesn't matter because I'd call him "Zack" no matter what.)

Or maybe Raising the Gay Bar due to the only real surprising element of the pilot. I immediately pegged the judge's clerk as gay. And then he's making out with Jane Kaczmereck. Wha? But then he actually is gay. Dude. It's one thing to be in the closet. It's a completely other thing to sex up your boss just to soften her towards your best friend with whom you're clearly actually in love. I mean, it's so soap operatic that you just have to love it.

My point being this: The pilot was so bad, that I was driven to punny alternative titles just to amuse myself.

That said, I'm still going to watch because, whatever, I'll follow Zack Morris to the cheesiest ends of the earth. Plus, it's my policy to give all shows 3-5 episodes to find their footing. And, finally, Stephen Bochco is infamous for pushing the envelope. And by "pushing the envelope," I mean "there's naked man ass in our future."

When It Rains...

I'm not entirely sure where to begin. Just last week, I was kvetching about a lack of material on which to comment. Now there suddenly seems to be a great deal going on.

Let's start off with Christina Applegate who recently underwent a pre-emptive double mastectomy in her battle against breast cancer. I've always been a fan of Ms. Applegate. She's an incredible actress, and she just seems like a swell lady. I wish her nothing but the best.

Then, there's been some talk about a possible Veronica Mars movie. I huffed awhile back regarding chatter about a Friends film and I blasted the idea of a Sex and the City sequel. Honestly, I'm sort of on the fence about a VM movie. I loved the show, but I have reservations, natch.

First, I'm not sure its cult hit, sassy charm would translate to the big screen. The series relied on a season-long mystery, as well as the smaller mysteries-of-the-week. A movie of 90+ minutes would have to deviate from that formula and could just flounder. Secondly, the series ended rather shoddily, and I think it might be best to just leave it be.

On the other hand, there had been talk about a leaping forward several years in the future for a VM spin-off, but the pilot landed with a thud. Perhaps, it could be parlayed into a VM franchise. From what I've read, the project is in production. Honestly, though, the fans I've been in touch with are rather miffed with Rob Thomas, so I'm not sure the film would be received as warmly as he might think.

And, finally, ABC's foreign formats memo. I haven't seen much written about this outside of the blog to which I've linked. Seems pretty straight-forward and not terribly incendiary to me. Mind you, I'm not an attorney, but I've acquired a bit of knowledge from the ones for whom I work. My understanding is that there's nothing illegal about what the studio lays out here. An idea is not protectable; only the fruits of that idea (characters, storylines, locations, etc.) are. So the practice is borderline at worst. Should the memo have been leaked? Probably not. It makes ABC Studios look shady to a layperson. But it's nothing to cause a furor about. Again: Not a lawyer here.

That all came to my attention a couple of days ago. Perhaps the summer wasn't a total bust, after all. Or, even better, this all foreshadows an exciting fall to come!

Brain Hiatus

Y'know, I started this blog because 99% of the time I have something smart alecky and/or insightful to say about what happens on television. Admittedly, that percentage dips to, let's say, 80% of the time when you expand to the entertainment industry in general, but still. But here's the thing: This summer has been supremely boring.

I came in to this thing assuming I'd be posting everyday. But it seems as though Hollywood has taken a summer vacation away from crazy. (Yeah, yeah. I know Shia LaBeouf's dangling his toes in the deep end, but I really couldn't care less about him.) And summer television's been boring.

So You Think You Can Dance? Not as good as last season, in my opinion. Project Runway? The contestants are too aware of being on-camera at all times and have, therefore, spent these first three episodes mugging and tossing out what they think are witticisms like breadcrumbs to lure that pigeon of screen time. Swingtown? Good, but not long for this world. And Mad Men? Too good to be snarked on. Besides, it just started. Even my beloved Kathy Griffin seems to have lost her luster.

Yes, the summer hasn't been particularly noteworthy. But I am very much looking forward to the coming fall season. Some pilots have been "leaked" to the internets, and I can resist their siren call for only so long. And now the teasers and print ads for returning shows have appeared, ramping up my excitement. I unabashedly squealed -- on the train! -- when I saw a print ad for Heroes and sniffled a little when I realized that Pushing Daisies returns in October, not September.

I've never been a boy of summer, anyway. So I'm just biding my time till the new season begins.

Someone Thought of the Children!

In today's "News I Really Need to Stop Caring About," Britney Spears and Kevin Federline's drawn out custody battle is over. Kevin Federline has sole custody, and Britney gets two visitation days a week, with one overnight.

We live in a world where Kevin Federline is a fit parent. Just let that soak in for a bit.

Okay... While I think this is for the best, I am a little sad for Britney. Her life recently has been rough. Yes, it's her own fault, but I still feel for her.

Here's hoping she gets back on track.

Let the Snip(p)ing Begin!

Ah... Project Runway... How I have missed thee!

Let's skip the obligatory "I love Tim Gunn " exclamations. Because they go without saying.* Especially when he give us his comments on this year's crop of designers.

So far, I've got nothing much to add. I like to wait till the second episode, mostly because I can't keep anyone straight.

However, Suede? Needs cut off the fauxhawk. I am DONE with the fauxhawk. I never liked it to begin with, and now they're EVERYWHERE. For no other reason than the fauxhwk, Suede is at the bottom of the pile.


*Mr. Gunn, if you're reading, I make excellent martinis and even better conversation. Email me!

UPDATE: My fauxhawk hate has not failed me. Suede is, in fact, a tool.

I'm Gonna Need Another Cosmo or Four

Okay, so Sarah Jessica Parker apparently reads my blog and is now intent on torturing me. A sequel to the Sex and the City movie is in early develpment. Touché, Silver. Touché.